Piranha 3D movie Review

Jaws had one fish and one naked swimmer.  Piranha 3D has a thousand fish and two naked swimmers performing underwater ballet for like, hours.  So, if Jaws was a great movie, Piranha 3D has to be twice as good, at the very least.  Maybe a thousand times better.  Okay, maybe not.

Piranha 3D is an “in your face” update of Jaws with an aging Richard Dreyfuss playing the role of the lone swimmer alone against nature’s supreme aquatic predator.  If you imagine the opening of Jaws as the blond campfire girl strips naked as she runs along the beach before diving and gliding through the shimmering water with the sun setting behind her, all blonde, young and radiant as the lurking beast rises up from the deep – cut to Piranha 3D where a drunk old Richard Dreyfuss fishes in his small boat, merrily singing Show Me the Way to Go Home as deep below, an earthquake rips open a chasm into a lost lake stocked with two million year old piranha fish.  The hero of Jaws is sucked into the whirlpool of death as the prehistoric piranha inflicts the death of a thousand bites on his symbolic, pudgy body.


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